AZUKI Nana Poetry Anthology “80,0”

The poems from AZUKI 七's self-written poetry and photo collection 80,0 (80,0 AZUKI NANA photo & anthology, J-ROCK Magazine), published in 2001 by AZUKI 七, GARNET CROW's lyricist.

"Everlasting Spring"

Spring, soft and bright
all year my head
is wild with blossoms

"And"

Today's sky
is exceptionally blue
today's streets
are endlessly wide
today is my
day off
freshness and emptiness
are so much alike
I thought, watching
the laundry flutter

"Rising: Only Rising"

With instant-freeze spray
freezing
a single line of rain
as I climb upward
I might suddenly
come out above the clouds

"Happy Birthday"

At the end of July
that person died
the noisy cries of summer cicadas
make me sink strangely into a subdued mood
but that is
Happy Birthday
in another dimension different from here
that person was born

"Far Away"

Into that space, slowly growing hot and giving off heat
I was throwing in whatever I could find around me
It was a place far from the city, made up only of nature
so there was no shortage of things to throw in
flowers and dead wood, ants and spiders
pill bugs that curl up defenselessly
and, if I was lucky, cicadas, butterflies, stag beetles, mantises everywhere
What I especially liked were pill bugs
defenseless, quick to dry
they let me enjoy the sight of them turning gray in an instant
The act shortened
the impatient time until the sweet potatoes were cooked
Strangely, what they changed into was always gray
I never saw black, transparent, or vivid colors
And the gray things would naturally disappear by the next day......
Driving on the highway, returning to the city center at night
I remember that scene
as I head at 100 kilometers an hour
toward a crowd of lights that look like flames

"When I Feel Blue"

I pedal my bicycle
run run run
on a road where all four lanes go north
heading south
run run run
from far, far ahead
so many cars are being born
ah--I come back to life

"Close Friends"

Rather than the freshness of living apart
the closeness that makes you sick of it

"Balance"

Morning and night
gathering up
scattered love
to get through the day

"Ups and Downs"

When being alone scares me
I keep feeling more and more lonely
When I feel that being alone is fine
I become oddly high*

"Dryly"

Sand blowing through the open window
the rough feel on dry skin
In this place
there are many things I can do without
Days where unimportant things lie around
seem not so bad after all
This year's fashion and the rhythm in vogue
spoken words rewritten
Grains of sand that touched my lips collect in my stomach
I will keep from throwing them up a little longer
They soon become part of me
And when everything has turned to sand
the wind, for the who-knows-which time
will softly, dryly
blow it somewhere away

"Things I Don't Need"

First I take one
then a second
grasp a third
get a fourth
•
•
•
•
•
•
At seven my palm is full
What I throw away to pick up the eighth
is probably • • •
surely the second one

"Like Everyday Life"

I hate parties
I hate festive noise
somehow I feel I must not be in a bad mood
I don't know where I am allowed to be
and even wonder whether I am allowed to be there at all*
halfway through, I run out of stamina for polite smiles
and yet if I get hooked, it happens in no time

"Eating"

Hot! Hot!
I eat ice cream
because it melts
I eat quickly
because it drips onto my hand
which I don't really like
but it is better than waiting
for it to harden before eating

"Depending on Use"

Emerald green
like the color of the sea. I thought
at first sight
I liked it and bought it
a mottled-dyed futon cover
When I put it on and slept right away
I. looked like a turtle

"The Size of the World"

Even if someone died somewhere
the world would surely
be there, unchanged
but if you alone disappeared
my world would change

"Abandonment"

Sadness does not last forever
nor will I feel this pain forever
I would rather just die--
things like that
I cannot lament forever
and
eternal love does not exist either

"Distant View"

At the next park
we will lie down
and become the earth
pressing cheeks close enough for the ground to look round
feeling that we are held by the sky
We will gather every cicada shell we can find
and talk while listening to the crisp cracking sounds
Here the two of us will become trees
After decades pass and our branches spread
I will touch you beside me with my leaves
By swaying, we give the wind shape
When we grow a little and our branches tangle
winter will come and our bodies will shrink a little
In some spring, will we be able to embrace

"Zoo"

I'm being watched
by a giraffe
by monkeys
by an elephant
by a hippopotamus
all this time
I'm being watched
Whom does the cage
enclose?

"Always Welcome"

Good timing!

"After Sharing"

At first
it was just
I kind of want to go to the bathroom
then gradually it really
became hurry up--
and I dashed in
After getting through it safely, in that satisfaction
to those ones
who had just now gone far away
I said, we shared a feeling for a little while.
a small bye-bye

"Camouflage"

Local TV at one in the morning
showing a drama that aired once in prime time
Maybe the equipment is different, maybe people's clothes and makeup, or maybe the air has changed
The slight shift in color temperature feels retro
and leads the darkened room's space into something even more decadent
A robber wearing pantyhose over his head is shouting something
Strange
Does he think that single piece of stuff hides him......
From the apartment next to mine, every night
I hear a young mother screaming hysterically to put her child to sleep
Whenever I meet her in the morning, she bows demurely with her face perfectly made up
From the room above, the sound of a shower always comes only before someone goes out
And today too
on this side, separated from them by one thin wall
I am stark naked, talking on the phone for a long time

"A Bargain"

A lie that gets exposed
as camouflage
one more thrown in
a lie that gets exposed

"Menu"

When I get angry
you get displeased too
When I cry
you look troubled
When I go silent
you are silent too
When I fool around
you are happy
Then
today too, I suppose
I will raise the tension

"Naturally"

When I move my arms and legs
and make the best speed I can
my body leans forward
When I ride in a vehicle
like a taxi or a roller coaster and it speeds up
my body is pressed into the seat
stuck there, running

"Hole"

Sometimes a hole opens wide in the heart
when parting from someone
when losing something
the thing called a sense of loss
It keeps spreading
and eventually goes through
When it goes through, wind blows
whoosh, whoosh, it blows through
But it is not only a sad sound
though there is much dirt and dust
like some odd connection
things I want to keep in that hole sometimes drift in by chance
And at such times
I will fill that hole at once

"Illness"

On TV and radio
love songs parade in force
threatening in many forms
A shared pain
increases closeness
There are all kinds of ways to cope
but love becomes the final cane
Healthy people may not need it
It works best on sickness of the heart
almost like a suspicious religion
At times it drives you even madder
and in the end the truth remains unknown

"Growing"

surely
infinitely
spreading
"just between us"

"By All Means"

Like changing seats
in a classroom
let us switch places
on a global scale
on a regular basis

"Fluid Things: Things That Flow Away"

Evaporating
becoming clear
flowing away
impossible to grasp--
Something that makes up 70 to 90 percent of animal and plant bodies
and is indispensable to survival
the water person I loved
the vessel for water
you disappeared

"Difficulty"

If there were a sea here
I would not yearn for the sea
If I lived in the sky now
I would not yearn for the sky
If I had wings that could fly off at once
I would not yearn for birds
If I had skin of seven colors
I would not yearn for rainbows
And yet
I want to go on yearning for you always
though I want to be closer to you than anyone

"Deep in Flavor"

Falling out from between old books
a four-leaf clover
dried crisp and turning black
The sun from that time is probably
inside this face
left as several freckles
If I forget, it is The End
That is probably the shortest way to happy days
Old wound, don't throb and make noise
Vitality more than livelihood
a good dinner more than an expensive gravestone
What fills with satisfaction, little by little
is a gentle feeling
Chew slowly and take it in

"Light"

The thing I want even if I throw everything away
what could it be...
what could it be... I kept thinking
for a long time
then realized I do not have
any <something> I could throw away
and went limp*

"Blindness"

Deep inside my body, faintly prickling
It's my imagination... my imagination!
Deep inside my head, always aching
It's my imagination... my imagination!
Just like a tiny warning sound
I don't notice, I don't notice--
Surely the warning sound is ringing
I don't notice--
I don't notice--
I don't want to notice

"Putting on a Brave Face"

Eating alone
funny things, boring things
having no one to tell them to
luggage gathered in one hand though there is no hand to hold
The unfillable emptiness somewhere
is only loneliness because love is gone
only sadness because there is nowhere to go
probably
not loneliness because I lost you

"Why?"

With an achoo
when I sneeze once
someone chuckles
When I sneeze twice
Are you all right?
they ask

"After That..."

I thought
I was pretending to be stupid
but I was seriously stupid

"Countdown"

To celebrate my twentieth birthday
they brought out videos from my birth onward
Set up here and there
and recorded in turn by my parents and grandparents
they were an enormous amount
yet only enough to fit into this small room
That day I spent all day watching the video from the day before my birthday
It was not especially amusing
only the clock displayed on the LCD marking the passage of time, moment by moment
The next day I watched two days before, the day after that three days before, and kept watching
Before long, they even gave me the illusion that if I rested, my growth too would stop
At last I kept watching twenty years' worth
Of course, on the final day, watching the moment of my birth, I turned forty
It was a refreshing morning
The long road neatly divided in half at the turning point
I felt like a marathon runner who had finished the race
Even so, going and returning are not very different
As long as I ate and slept at the bare minimum
time was counted

"Burden"

Where does it begin to crack from
though I was born empty-handed
why did I become afraid of losing something

"Out"

Once the TV is on, you are already captive
neither absorbed nor bored
as if possessed
watching as if expecting something
In that way
you become an observer of life
enjoying all kinds of guesses
an observer rich in curiosity and intellect
Come out from there
If you touch me
you will rush
from curiosity into pleasure

"As You Like"

The phone is ringing
but I don't feel like answering
Do they need something? Is it urgent?
Or just killing time?
Since morning today I have been worrying
clutching dice and brooding
Even, odd, which is which
unable to decide GO or STOP
It would be fine to talk to someone and ask advice
but being decided by someone else
and leaving it to luck
well, they are about the same
--so, even, odd
which is which

"Walk"

trudge trudge trudge trudge
as I walked
I came to the edge of a cliff
this is trouble
if I fall, my life is over
Just once more, then
I will trudge back
and go another way
It's fine, I still
remember the road

"Walk 2"

crunch crunch crunch crunch
stepping down
I was jogging and reached the cliff edge
here it is again, harsh as ever
But this time, let me go
I will build a bridge here!
Is it a little early to fly?

"Open"

Leaving the room
when it hits the floor with a knock
it already opens
An umbrella that impatient
many people
have one, don't they

"Choice"

whispering voices
wondering what they are
I listen closely
voices too loud
thinking they are noisy
I block my ears.
ordinary voices
la la la la la~
as a substitute for B.G.M.
When I see you next
I will say I love you
in a whisper.

"Inside the Door"

I opened a door
but there was nothing
Why?
I opened another door
again there was nothing
For now I tried opening every door that could be called a door
It was an empty room to begin with, so it would not take much time
......before even thirty minutes passed, I
was lying as if surrounded by empty boxes large and small
Come to think of it, when I came home today
the guy next door asked me, "Moving?"
Yesterday, while I was out, that woman must have carried everything away
Damn it, she went and left only me behind
Ah, still, I am hungry
Of course the refrigerator is empty too
Fine, when she comes back, I will stuff her in instead
and take my time
taking her into me

"Waiting"

At first there was no time even to open the page
A few days later, about two pages
then it increased every time
ten pages...
thirty...
seventy...
......
Today I finished a whole book
It's
o.v.e.r

"Pop"

A sense of happiness
that can become happy right away from a little thing

"Melancholy"

If it is only falling in love, I can do it alone
but loving each other...
alone is impossible!

"Time Machine"

No matter what
not even one second into the past
can I return
Even events I want to make as if they never happened too
more and more~~
only keep accumulating
can go only toward the future
our bodies

"And Again..."

If possible
when it really matters
a fast road, a shortcut, no waste, would be good
but, you know
whether it was good to do it
or whether it was useless
unless I try it
I will not know
In the end, I give in and for now
I end up trying

"Memory"

Four in the morning
birds' voices echo between the buildings
I cannot sleep
What I remember
is shouting and horns
the image of a kettle falling over
the sound of glass breaking
The memory stained into me
cannot be wiped away
The tears I shed dry one after another
not quite enough to wash it clean
Because I try to justify everything
the confusion continues
Like echoing birdsong
I should listen to the screaming voice
straight into the mirror

"Is Anyone There?"

The stereo's
two speakers side by side
when I covered them with a blanket
it looked as if
they were painfully doing their best to sing
and I laughed
Then, when I hung a longer cloth
and made it like a curtain
it seemed the stage would soon open
and a live show would begin
and I felt excited

"Correction"

It is late to say this
but when I open the window
the wall of the apartment building next door
is strange after all
But
because it is a window
there are curtains for no reason
opened and closed now and then
That too is strange
I might as well make it a wall
because then I would not have to clean the window

"I Won't Trouble You"

lots and lots of
magazines and
books and
manga I read
On recycling day they pile up like a mountain
but even if recycling
does not come
I soon forget

"Live Fish Cuisine"

A few months ago I
bought several small cheap aquariums
sold at a nearby discount store
so that fish, shrimp, and such I would eat myself could swim in them
Every day I watch them and pound on the glass of the narrow tanks
If I do that, the nervous fish apparently build up stress
Then, when they seem to have become suitably stiff with stress
I pull them up and eat them
Now, will it work as a vaccine?

"Various"

"Kumo" written in kanji is "cloud in the sky"
"kumo" could be
the eight-legged "spider"
When written in kanji, the meaning is one
In katakana or hiragana
many things come to mind
So I will turn everything about me
into katakana and hiragana
and while I am at it, my name too
into hiragana too
May I be
many kinds of me

"Border"

Birds
and fish
need no passports, how nice

"Sleepy..."

On the worst day, when everything goes wrong
someone's warm word delivers the final blow
Ah, did I look that pained
Please, don't think of me as a pitiful person
Days with anger are very powerful
as if suppressed life force bursts out
Let's give it citizenship
A personality too calm heads toward ruin
Effort is the last dream left to ordinary people
Even that is fine
if I can keep dreaming

"On the Anniversary, She"

She likes to receive things from anyone and everyone as keepsakes
And they are wrapped in empty boxes in her room and wrapping paper with department-store logos
and stored quite carefully
But their existence is never recognized by her as having a place
and they are never touched a second time
They are only neatly wrapped and go on filling the room
She was surrounded by packages that should have held things once part of someone, of something
a piece of a demolished elementary school building
the tie of her dead grandfather
a ballpoint pen used by a friend who moved away
sand from a beach when she traveled
the wisdom tooth of a man she had dated......
The other day, in an accident caused by a small lapse
she left this world
Later her room was tidied clean
and below the apartment building on Saturday
things that had once belonged to others
now garbage large and small waiting only to be burned
were piled high

"Thunder"

Thunder fell
Thunder arrived
Thank you for coming so far
but don't get carried away
and break things

"3m Long-Distance Love"

The bathroom door
falls shut

"Where Good Intentions Go"

January 15
while listening
to <Young People's Assertions>
I remember that I have forgotten
what
<This Year's Resolutions> were

"Illusion"

You say that building is white
but lit by the evening sun
it is red, like a rotten persimmon
Actually, maybe we just do not know
milk might be blue
and roads might be pink
Look, when we were children
we colored the sky yellow, didn't we
Things we do not notice now because we have grown used to them
If, while I slept just this one night today
the world were to change
if everything were to change......

"Brimming Quietly"

Sleeping happily
with your sleeping breath as B.G.M

The slender, tightened waist of a bee
was severed by a single nylon thread
At that moment, from atop the net of coarse mesh
to that side and this side
the split-in-two head and body tumbled down
She let out a small scream at what she had done
and ran away
Afterward, two silent individuals
barely avoiding the dusty sunlight
lay rolling there
"Stillness"
the slender bee waist
severed by one nylon cord
that instant, on the coarse net
this side and that side
head and body, each rolling down
softly grieving over what she herself had done
she quickly ran away
afterward, these two speechless individuals
barely avoided the dust-stained sunlight
and rolled into the distance

"Waking Well"

Believing morning always comes--
believing the sun surely rises--
I get through every day
Certainly
dawn comes and the sun rose
but today again, after all
I am the same self
a light dizziness and sense of despair
before long, I become defiant
and wake up

"Bubbling"

Use energy carefully
Use resources carefully
one body, one heart
even if split, the base is one
Suppose I sleep eight hours a day
in thirty years, ten years are spent sleeping
That is enough to recharge
I will go on lightheartedly
Ugly thoughts I give to nightmares
Days are convenient
small wounds heal right away
even big injuries heal if you go to a doctor
the pain of the heart heals with medicine
even if nothing can be done, death makes you forget
Anything is fine, just spend one day
and then another question wells up

"As Usual"

Before fully enjoying
worldly desires
so that my body does not give out
I will take
enough
care of my health

"Morning on a Day Off"

I wanted to keep watching your sleeping face
so as not to wake you
I pretended to be asleep
then dozed off again...
After repeating that about three times
you too sometimes opened your eyes a slit
and I realized you were pretending to sleep
Soon one of us has to get up
or today will end

"Sharing Out"

In my teacup
a tea stalk stood up*
In my younger brother's teacup too
a tea stalk stood up
In my mother's teacup too
a tea stalk stood up
In my father's teacup too
a tea stalk stood up
In my friend's teacup too
a tea stalk stood up
In his teacup too
a tea stalk stood up
All right, I will gather them all
Yay, keeping all the signs of happiness to myself
Oh no
It's "The Spider's Thread" state
After all, when each person has one
somehow it feels very happy
though nothing has happened yet

"Heartbeat Rate"

At first just looking from far away
then just being beside you
If I could hear your voice
if I could see your smile
just touching
just touching each other
if I could see you when I woke
.
.
.
.
.
.
The graph kept rising
and then fell
sometimes including a sudden plunge
all the way back to when nothing existed...
slowly vanishing from sight

"Cleaning"

Camp night
everyone busily
washes tents and cars
Hey, when that is done
let's go polish the sky
With clouds like this
tonight the stars
will not be visible

"A Complicated One"

When I peeled
the husk
of the corn, with a wriggle. a bug
Where did it get in from

"Roughly"

Stay beside me
Love is blind
because I lose sight of it right away.
Move a little away
because too close, I cannot see the whole.
Come back soon
because I forget right away.

"To Receive"

My eyes have already rotted
because I saw too many brutal scenes
If I drink milk past its expiration date
and my stomach breaks
I can throw it up and recover in three days
but the muddy images
carved into my brain
cannot be wiped away
In this place where decay advances
spreading radially
I watch the pollution collide
waiting for extinction
like a small animal

"Degree of Completion"

while still falsifying myself
if I could vanish
I might be fairly happy
Inside the satisfaction
of having completed a single work
the so-called true self that probably never existed from the start
would smile somewhere
as if satisfied

"Pride"

What frustrates me
is not being able to eat cake at midnight
What saddens me
is not always being able to meet the person I love
What is base
is looking for someone else right after parting
What vexes me
is that ideals are always somewhere unreachable
What is unbearable
is that even if my head can forgive, my heart hopelessly hates
Even so
believing this moment is worth living
even if I understand nothing
even if nothing is born

"Adaptation"

forever
forever
rain that seems to go on falling
Do not stop
Do not stop
Cover even one star completely
Then someday everyone
will become fish and play

"Today"

Today, I live while doing something
Today, I live while thinking of something
Today, I live with something as encouragement
Today, I live while gazing at something
Today, I live by some turn of chance
Feel free to discuss~~~
My ability is limited; please forgive anything incomplete or lacking.